We always complain when Hollywood pumps out remakes, reboots, sequels and films based on existing properties. But when they come with something original and it fails people hit them hard. Well, this is really original.

Use my techniques and you will be champion, Michael Phelps.

It’s called Beached, and it’s been in development since 1997. The movie has been linked with many directors over the years but it’s finally settled on National Treasure director Jon Turteltaub. And this is what it’s about. I hope you’re ready.

A 4-year-old falls out of a boat during a family outing and he’s raised by whales then becomes an Olympic swimmer.

Ahem. I’m going to assume this got a green light because of the attention surrounding Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps right now. Other than that, I’ve got nothing. At least it’s original? Because… I mean… why? Wouldn’t the boy die from being in the ocean for over a decade? What does he eat? What the shit is happening? These are the questions I anticipate to be running through my mind when this movie is burning itself into my retinas. [THR via /Film]

beached, michael phelps, ryan lochte, whales