The biggest movie of the year was released last week. So how do you follow up The Dark Knight Rises? By releasing Ben Stiller sci-fi comedy The Watch and dance movie Step Up: Revolution. Both of these movies are getting creamed by the critics. They’ve been called things like “lazy,” “idiotic,” and “formulaic.”
And guess what? Step Up actually has BETTER reviews than The Watch. You read that right. The latest installment in a dance movie series (which sacrifices plot for dancing moves) is better than a science fiction comedy starring Ben Stiller. Yikes.
Honestly, there are better things you could spend your time/money on. Here they are:Watch The Dark Knight Rises again
All right, I wasn’t too fond of The Dark Knight Rises but a lot of people were. A lot of people really loved it too. If you’re one of those people, would you rather spend $10 on those two movies up there or on a movie you loved? Of course, this requires that you loved The Dark Knight Rises and want to see it again.Watch Ruby Sparks
A quirky romantic comedy about a young man who starts writing about his dream girl and she mysteriously comes to life? It’s like Will Ferrell’s Stranger than Fiction but more romantic! Plus, if you got a date this weekend you can show her you know how to find those darling indie gems. If she’s into that, otherwise you’re screwed.Watch The Olympics
Who needs movies!? Well… OK… we all do. But the Olympics have started! Don’t you wanna watch people at the top of their athletic abilities compete for the honor of their country? And plus, there’s supposed to be a ballin’ opening ceremony by Slumdog Millionaire and 28 Days Later director Danny Boyle that includes James Bond and Harry Potter. SOLD.Take a dance class
Why watch a bunch of people pop n’ lock when you can learn to do it yourself? I mean really, spending $10 to watch two hours of dancing or spending some money to learn to dance and then charge people to watch you? ALL BUSINESS, FOLKS.Go to Costco
If you have a Costco membership, head over there and walk around in circles and eat free samples for two hours. Yes, it’s crazy. But it’s better than The Watch, which is about a Costco employee who witnesses the murder of another Costco employee so he starts a neighborhood watch in the basement under Costco. Costco, Costco, Costco. Plus, you get free dinner.Watch the first Step Up
It launched Channing Tatum’s career and it’s pretty much the same thing, minus the weird dance-inspired revolution that has dudes dancing with gas masks on.Donate to the Aurora Victim Fund
Spend $10 on bad movies? Donate to the victims of the Aurora theater shooting? Not a difficult choice.Netflix TV marathons
I understand, you want to spend $10 on the films to escape the world and forget your troubles. Here’s a better way to do that: spend $8 on a Netflix Instant membership and watch marathons of one of the following TV shows: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Lost, Battlestar Galactica, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Damages, Firefly, Scrubs, The Office, Friday Night Lights, Arrested Development, Louie, Top Gear, No Reservations, The Walking Dead, Star Trek: The Next Generation or Downtown Abbey. Phew.
Really, there are many more better things you can do than rush out to watch the new Step Up or The Watch in theaters. Give ‘em a wait until they’re on TV or DVD/Blu Ray. You’ll get a lot more bang for your buck.